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Weekend ramblings
Nov. 17th, 2002 08:21 pmLife is so confusing. It just is. Me and friends and future plans and put everything together and then go scream. There's plenty inside my head to worry about for the next few decades and then there's at least as much inside everyone I know's head and then there's relationships between me and other people and then there's relationships between other people and then I can go worry about where exactly people happen to be killing each other in insane wars today. Some days I want to scream.
I think my room mirrors my state of mind. Right now it's a wreck.
Isaac asked me if I don't care about Glenn then why do I talk about him so much. I told him to be quiet. He snickered. I want to scream. It would be so much easier if I could just hate the guy. Really. I will have to have a serious talk with him if he goes to Mudd.
Then that goes to colleges. It's really annoying. All my friends seem like they ought to have more insecurities than me. I don't know if they do or not. I have stuff to worry about too. Wow that came out whiny. But I still have issues. This bugs me. I'll be so glad when the stupid forms are in. Soon.
I have to wait till the 25th to get my SAT scores. Grump. I can pay $13 for the privilige of getting them now, but I guess it's not worth it. It's tempting though.
It doesn't seem like I have enough stuff to be completely overwhelmed. At least half is probably my study habits--procrastination and such. But some days it feels like there's so much to do and it's spiraling out of control. Then other days it's like it's normal and all ok. I will be so glad when I graduate.
Probably some of the problems I'm having in English are partly coming from feeling out of control. In normal classes, the student is not ultimately in control but the system in which they prepere their reactions is constant. When there is nothing constant, it is difficult to react in a way that will guarantee one response. I hate that class.
I go to church, but some days it's so hard to hear the message of hope and forgiveness. Sometimes it feels more like a distant possibility than a reality.
My brother annoys me. He and this one girl at church have this completely pointless competition going on all the time. It drives me crazy.
More randomness. I don't know why this random depression comes over me. I wasn't like this last year. Then I'm really hyper and wierd. I don't know what's going on. Maybe I'll go clean my room.
I feel bad about giving the college forms late to Mr. Schonberg when I made such a big deal about the National Merit being late.
Good things--No lab on Tuesday or Thursday, and I'm going to go see Harry Potter II tomorrow with friends and make very! crass comments about the characters' sexual relations. Should be fun. Should make all other theater patrons run away screaming. Yay. I should call Ray sometime. I have not been talking to him nearly enough.
Jennifer wants to "distract" Shawn Coleman from his studies by getting him a girlfriend. Any takers?
I think my room mirrors my state of mind. Right now it's a wreck.
Isaac asked me if I don't care about Glenn then why do I talk about him so much. I told him to be quiet. He snickered. I want to scream. It would be so much easier if I could just hate the guy. Really. I will have to have a serious talk with him if he goes to Mudd.
Then that goes to colleges. It's really annoying. All my friends seem like they ought to have more insecurities than me. I don't know if they do or not. I have stuff to worry about too. Wow that came out whiny. But I still have issues. This bugs me. I'll be so glad when the stupid forms are in. Soon.
I have to wait till the 25th to get my SAT scores. Grump. I can pay $13 for the privilige of getting them now, but I guess it's not worth it. It's tempting though.
It doesn't seem like I have enough stuff to be completely overwhelmed. At least half is probably my study habits--procrastination and such. But some days it feels like there's so much to do and it's spiraling out of control. Then other days it's like it's normal and all ok. I will be so glad when I graduate.
Probably some of the problems I'm having in English are partly coming from feeling out of control. In normal classes, the student is not ultimately in control but the system in which they prepere their reactions is constant. When there is nothing constant, it is difficult to react in a way that will guarantee one response. I hate that class.
I go to church, but some days it's so hard to hear the message of hope and forgiveness. Sometimes it feels more like a distant possibility than a reality.
My brother annoys me. He and this one girl at church have this completely pointless competition going on all the time. It drives me crazy.
More randomness. I don't know why this random depression comes over me. I wasn't like this last year. Then I'm really hyper and wierd. I don't know what's going on. Maybe I'll go clean my room.
I feel bad about giving the college forms late to Mr. Schonberg when I made such a big deal about the National Merit being late.
Good things--No lab on Tuesday or Thursday, and I'm going to go see Harry Potter II tomorrow with friends and make very! crass comments about the characters' sexual relations. Should be fun. Should make all other theater patrons run away screaming. Yay. I should call Ray sometime. I have not been talking to him nearly enough.
Jennifer wants to "distract" Shawn Coleman from his studies by getting him a girlfriend. Any takers?
