Lab lab lab lab DOOM!

O thou who causest the unending rise and fall of the readings from the pH electrodes: Look favorably upon thy instruments and allow them to reach that state of graceful balance in which they may finally find rest. Let them, being obedient and knowing all they are asked, also delight in their ability to shine light into the darkness of my ignorance of the mysteries they well know.

Speak thou also to the guardian of the ever-declining balance. Let it find the one true way, the way that brings true knowledge freely shared, rather than churlishly hoarded and guarded with misinformation.

Bring us all thereby to the information that I must know. Frown not upon my quest, but guide me in my search.